I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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