Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
