you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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