She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He has the fingertips of a God
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