Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
