he thought i was a dude.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
