and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
