it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
