Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
