his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
