he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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