Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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