drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
