Just cropdusted the office
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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