when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
