Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
