i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
