babies were throwing up all over the place
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
