if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
