wake up i wanna do it froggy style
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
