I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
thus making me awesome and them whores
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
