You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
