One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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