he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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