Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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