My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
