i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
