Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Someone stole a lamp last night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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