I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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