I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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