she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
