Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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