i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
