No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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