he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
