My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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