I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
