can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
