my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
