Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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