Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
