There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
