Who wears a wallet chain?!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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