My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
