Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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