I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
