I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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