listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
