i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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