I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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