Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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