im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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