Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
