Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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