thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I had to cum in my sink.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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